[photo via Pinterest]
"Where are you going?!"
"Anywhere but here!" I shouted as I slammed the car door shut.
Where am I going?
I turned on the car and put it in reverse.
How far will it take me?
As the car rolled backward down the driveway, my mother shouted and begged for me to come back.
I didn't.
I drove passed houses with freshly cut lawns. Families doing their everyday life. No one seemed to notice, no one seemed to care. That's because no one knew. No one knew what was happening, I mean, how could they? This was something even I didn't know. Something I only... felt.
Maybe there will be a day where I have the desire to come back. Maybe things will be different. Maybe people will realize how much they meant to me before they walked away. Before they hurt me.
I'm not doing this to get back at them, I'm not doing this to teach them some kind of lesson. But... I can't do it anymore. I need time. Time to clear things out, think things through. Time in a place where no one knows who I am, or who I was. To remind me of my mistakes. To remind me of my problems or feelings.
For now, I just need to get away.
Maybe there will be a day where I have the desire to come back. Maybe things will be different. Maybe people will realize how much they meant to me before they walked away. Before they hurt me.
I'm not doing this to get back at them, I'm not doing this to teach them some kind of lesson. But... I can't do it anymore. I need time. Time to clear things out, think things through. Time in a place where no one knows who I am, or who I was. To remind me of my mistakes. To remind me of my problems or feelings.
For now, I just need to get away.
Drive.
Go.
Don't stop.
Go.
---
Thanks for reading. <3
please read this FLAWLESS post . <<<< It totally explains me.
hey there!
you might not remember me... my absence was so long, you're probably thinking "who is this girl?"
oh wait-- someone just informed me that I was only gone for a week. that can't be possible because it felt much longer than a week... It felt more like a year! Anywho... guess whattttt?! I'm back! So, here comes the part where I apologize to you for not posting in a while or commenting on your beautiful posts. *le sad face* and now here's the part when I tell you where I've been! I bet you are very curious for this part. *wink, wink*
for five days, I took a writing course on "how to write a YA novel". I learned a lot... a lot, a lot. and had the best time. the class was amazing. not only were we writing for three hours everyday, but we connected as well. everyone had something different about them, yet deep down we were all alike in some way... we had a passion to write. whether it was si-fi, a story taking place in the 80s, or just a story that ended with all your characters dead ( *cough* Ali *cough* ). The teacher ( Robert! ) was ah-mazing, and the best teacher I could ever ask for. he taught us a lot of things, some I didn't even know! and I believe that I have now improved in my writing, all thanks to him. :)
in class we each got to write our own stories and some of us also got to bring in stories we've already written. the stories we wrote in class--but didn't get a chance to finish--were based off of a scene from The Fault in Our Stars novel by John Green. what we did was, create a character with cancer and then put them into the scene, which was the part where Hazel goes to the Support Group for teens with cancer. just so you know, if any of you have read that book. I haven't but I am going to someday.
anyways --I'm getting off topic-- I thought that I would share a small chapter that I wrote for my character Grace. Here is a little bit about my character before you start reading:
Grace, is a sixteen year-old-girl with throat cancer. She is rather tiny for her age, very lean. Grace loves to sing but her talent has been effected by her illness. Her parents are divorced and she now lives with her mom, aunt, and three cousins. In this story, Grace faces different dramatic changes life has brought her. At times, she breaks and gets a little snappy or moody-- which you will see in the first chapter I will be showing you. She doesn't appreciate her illness like she should at points, but later on she learns to accept things are the way they are.
so, now that you somewhat know what my character is like, here in the first chapter I wrote, Grace is going to a Cancer Support Group at her hospital:
"We're late!" I yelled up to my mom who was carrying my youngest cousin, Lucy.
Ever since my parents divorced, my aunt Aly moved in with her three children, Lucy, Peter, and James. All the ages of eight and below, Lucy being the youngest.
Because my aunt was a single parent, like my mom, they both thought it was best if she moved in with us after what happened. And what I mean by that, is after I got sick with throat cancer a year ago. My doctor told me that I'm the strongest patient she's had, but with all the mood swings and depression, my mom and aunt thought, yet again, it would be best if I joined a Support Group.
"I'm coming!" I stumbled up the steps of the hospital building. I rolled my eyes with annoyance once I reached the top. "If you didn't force me here against my will, we wouldn't be late in the first." I huffed.
"Just please hurry up and get inside, it's already half past two." my mom begged.
I stormed passed her as Lucy cried in her arms. "Oh yay, she's crying. Again." I said sarcastically while walking up to the front desk inside.
"Where is the teen Support Group?" I asked, somewhat nicely.
"Down the right and to your left." she pointed, with a bright smile. How could someone seem so happy in a hospital full of sick people?
I thanked her then went on my way. The hallways are cold and lonesome, yet filled with people. My shoulder brushed against a lady wearing a black suit. "Watch it!" she scowled.
"S-sorry." I muttered. She ignored me and continued walking in her platform heels. Jeez, people. I thought to myself as I walked up to the two double doors that read "22 B" on a sign placed beside the two doors.
I took a deep breath and walked into the unfamiliar room, alone. The scent of moth balls grazed my nostrils as stepped into the cold room, all eyes on me. I didn't mind much since I was used to the attention from performing and whatnot. Yes, I am a singer. Or used to be, until this happened. I used to sing in the church choir and in school performances, but that's all over now. I can never go back to doing what I love most, singing. Taylor will be very excited when I tell her I won't be singing in the school's musical this year. Taylor Scout and I had always been great friends, until our competitiveness got in the way of our friendship. It's fine with me, I don't care.
I walked over to an empty seat and sat down. I noticed the dirty tile of the floor and the tattered carpet underneath the round glass table in the center of the room. People began to talk, ignoring my presence. I felt a small knot forming in the pit of my stomach. My palms were sweaty and my feet were impatient. Was I nervous? Of course I was, I had all the symptoms. But why?
I took a look around the room. Everyone was so different from each other, yet we were all here for the same reason. An older boy shared a few glances with a girl that looked to be about the same age as him.
There was only on thought lingering in the back of my mind, that I couldn't get out.
We're all going to die.
I know it is pretty dramatic, and it is usually hard for me to read or watch things to do with cancer... but I thought you would like to read a little of what I was writing while I was absence. although, I have to admit, I was glad I took the class. I learned a lot of things and met a lot of great young writers, and I hope now to fulfill my life as a writer.
there will be bumps along the way, but I want to treasure every moment of it.
there will be bumps along the way, but I want to treasure every moment of it.
never give up.
things I've learned about being a writer:
- there will be haters
- you will get discouraged
- writing is a selfish thing
- enjoy the adventure
stepping out
looking upon
dreaming about
swimming along
crickets chip
animals lurk
I see myself
dreaming upon
feeling what's real
even if it's just a dream
i'm still looking about
wondering what is that sound
still dreaming
dreaming
dreaming upon.
|| dreaming upon ||
feeling:
happy; because The Host is out on DVD today. *fangirl moment*
sad; because Beautiful Redemption wasn't at the bookstore. *sad fangirl moment*
you don't realize it, do you?
you don't understand, do you?
a girl so beautiful and so blind.
how?
you, and everything you do, is beautiful.
how is it me that only sees?
is it my eyes only?
no, it cannot be.
don't you see?
the world sees it too,
except for you.
you are beautiful.
not in looks,
not in clothes,
but in who you are.
you. are. beautiful.
:: stay beautiful ::
is it my eyes only?
no, it cannot be.
don't you see?
the world sees it too,
except for you.
you are beautiful.
not in looks,
not in clothes,
but in who you are.
you. are. beautiful.
:: stay beautiful ::
But it's not. It's not okay. He strokes my hair and I feel myself giving in, burying my face into his chest.
"N-no." I manage to say, between sobs. "I can't stay. They're coming. They'll be here soon." He shakes his head.
"Then let me come with you. We can be free, we can be together. Forever." I let out a small groan.
"No. We can't be together. I'll hurt you. I don't want that to happen. I can't let that happen." He tilts up my chin.
"I don't care. I want you, I want to be with you even if it costs my life." He leans his forehead against mine. "I love you."
love.
He said it. He said the word. For a second I feel safe. But that only lasts for so long.
"I-I can't stay." I pull away, not daring to look into those eyes one last time or they might make me stay. I feel his hand on the back of my neck.
"Don't go." He pulls me closer, our breaths in sync. I feel his nose brush across my cheek. "Don't." And then his lips pressed against mine. Everything around us seems to disappear. And all the troubles with it. For a few moments I forget. I forget that I'm being chased. I forget my powers. I forget the harm I could case. I forget what might happen. I forget me. I pull away, and I see tears rolling down his face. "I-I'm sorry." I say, almost in a whisper, and then I'm gone. Running. Faster than ever. I can't bare to see his face or hear his voice. It will only bring sadness and harm. "Wait!" I faintly hear him calling after me. And with that, I run faster. Sticks snap as my feet run against them. I feel a pain run through my legs and yet, I keep running. Where will I go? Who knows. Anywhere away from here. Anywhere far. Panting, I make a sharp turn, almost stumbling into a tree. Quickly, I make another turn. What if I stayed? What would happen if I gave in? Would I actually lose someone I love? Would I lose him? I stop in my tracks when I feel a cool breeze run throughout my body. I find myself standing on top of a cliff. The drop must be far down, considering I can't see it. Either can I hear anything. It's quiet. And I feel alone. For once, I am at peace. I spread my arms out wide and let the wind run through me. I close my eyes and take it all in.
"Hey!" I hear a dark voice from behind me. I know now that it is too late. They already found me. Instead of turning around to face whoever or whatever is after me, I jump. And let my wings soar.
soar free || a short story
This was more like a small scene, sorry it isn't very good. But the picture above inspired me to write it. :)
I hope you enjoyed it anyways.
thanks for reading!
