June 20th, 2015


It seems as though when people talk about losing a grandparent or great-grandparent, or even an aunt or uncle, it doesn't seem as sad as losing someone with more... significance. Like, a sibling or parent.

That is a lie.
Losing someone hurts all the same, regardless of their title.

It is often that I am afraid of such stereotypical assumption. I, myself, has had that assumption. I would like to say that it is far from the truth, and I should just kick myself right now for ever thinking that.
Two years ago, I lost someone who had the utmost amount of significance in my life and others' lives. To this day, that certain amount of significance shows tremendously.

It shows when the sun is out and the birds are chirping and there is a certain hole left unfilled. It shows during family gatherings and nobody knows where a certain pan is or why the utensils aren't where they should be. It shows through the eyes of my grandfather when he pulls me in for a tight hug. It shows. 
However, we manage. We carry on with our lives. But, there will always be that gap.... The gap between the impact of a life that brought so much liveliness to life and the reality of what life is now.

Though, I find myself avoiding these thoughts- how I lost my grandmother. The process and our memories... I am not sad. No, I am happy that God gave me someone whom I allowed to touch my heart and help me grow into the person I am now. I am happy that she left a mark on this world and that she is remembered through and through. I am happy that she was so much more than her title. I am happy that I have someone to miss.

I love you, Mimi. You are my sunshine.

xx

Teen Book Fest + Everything, Everything Movie + Fangirling = very long post

On May 20th, I had the amazing privilege to volunteer at our annual teen book festival. I had volunteered two previous years, where I was able to spend the day with Jennifer Niven (author of All The Bright Places) and Jesse Andrews (author of Me and Earl and The Dying Girl). This year, two of my sisters and I were assigned author assistants with Nina LaCour (author of We Are Okay) and the audiobook performer, Jorjeana Marie.



Alright, so this was my 3rd year volunteering. *flips hair off shoulder* Yeah, I'm kinda a regular now. ;) You'd think being a regular would mean I'd have a great understanding of how to get around the college campus (where the event is held), but nooo... I had to ask for directions, like, 12984724700209 times. o-o

Let's get to it! We had to wake up really early- *gets cut off by static noises*

*deep News Person voice*

Excuse me, but we interrupt this post with an important message from the writer. Over to you, Kenzie.

Thanks, Tim.

Before I continue, I must tell you that, the day before the festival, I went to see Everything, Everything with my sisters and I DIED. Looking at social media, you probably already guessed that I have been super pumped about this movie... I even read the book again because... why not? <3


Isn't the cover just so... purdy?


I had vowed to get a picture with the poster before the movie, and I did! I had wanted to wear my dress with cute Hawaiian people on it but the temperature was too chilly. Also, I was also just a wee bit short to stand directly next to the poster like I wanted, but oh whale. <3



My sisters and I went the day it came out, but we went to an earlier time and it turned out that we were the only ones in the theater. Save for the older lady who sat way in the back and probably heard all our squealing because we were pretty loud.


*cough* Um, I don't know if you know this but I kinda have a thing for Nick Robinson. <3-<3 I literally screamed when he was casted as Olly because it felt like a dream come true. *long dramatic sigh with hearts floating in eyes* My sisters also think he is super cute, so when the movie was over, my one sister laid on the floor (not kidding) and made weird dying whale noises. I'm pretty sure I made similar sounds whenever he came onto the screen. o-o




I thought the movie was absolutely amazing and super creative and GAHHH. I just want to go see it again and again and again. <3

Okay. Back to you, Tim. 

So this is how the morning of the Teen Book Festival went:

May 20th, 5:30am
Me: *is sleeping*
Sister #4: *is spamming Sister #2's snapchat story with unnecessary dialogues*
Me: *wakes up sometime after to check snapchats and has to pee*
Also Me: *tells Sister #4 to go brush her teeth*
Sister #4: *snapchats me whilst brushing teeth*
Me: *snapchats her back saying I have to pee*
Sister #4: *screenshots my snaps and puts them on story for the whole world to see*
Me: *decides to pee*
Sister #4: *tells everyone on snapchat that I have to pee*
Me: *le sigh* -.-

May 20th, 6:30am
Me: *is getting dressed*
Sister #4: *is not getting dressed*
Sister #2: *still sleeping*

May 20th, 7:00am
Sister #4: *screams and yells because she can't find her socks*
Sister #4: *blames everyone but herself*

May 20th, 7:15am
Everyone: *freaking out because we have to be at the campus by 7:30 and we are just getting in the car*
Sister #4: *has a headache from screaming and yelling*
Me: asdfghjkl-- *gets out of car to run back into house for ibuprofen* 
Me: *runs back outside and hops into car with medicine and glass of water*
Mother: *is finally able to pull out of driveway*
Me: *avoids looking at clock because we ended up being ten minutes late due to le sock fiasco*


To say the least, the morning was a little crazy. But not as crazy as I thought it would have been. We made it to the campus just ten minutes after 7:30. This year we were told that we had to check-in at a different building where we would be eating breakfast with our assigned author.
We got there safely and then met with our group, which consisted of two adults and four other girls besides my sisters and I. We were the biggest group of author assistants.




Everyone in our group was just amazing. All the girls were super sweet, and I guess you can say we left with a few new friends that day. ;)

We ended up having to wait about a half hour for all the authors to arrive. Once they arrived and we all introduced ourselves, it was time to eat breakfast! 
First, allow me to say that Nina LaCour was the cutest thing EVER. She was so sweet, and quiet, but not in a bad way. She was always smiling and eager to answer any questions anyone had for her. Honestly? She looked like a contemporary writer. 
And second; my sister, Lila, and I were very anxious when it came time to getting our breakfast because just a few tables away, sat the one... the only... Sarah J. Maas.  

A few days before, Lila and I came up with a plan to shout "Team Captain of The Guard" at her while getting our food. I was too nervous to do it, but Lila was all in.

(here she is eating breakfast with Renee Ahdieh. haha, i'm such a creeper. o-o)

Here's how the breakfast scene went down:
*cue intense action music*

Lila: asdfghjklohmygoshtheresheis
Me: Iknowiknowiknowiknow
Lila: whatdowedowhatdowedo
Me: Idontknowidontknowidontknow
Lila: I'm going in.

Then, whilst grabbing our plate of fruit, and me trying to hide behind myself, my sister shouted "Yo! Team Captain of The Guard!" And guess what?

She. Didn't. Hear. Her.

Which was so awkward, and even more awkward because one of her assistants turned around and gave Lila the nastiest looks ever and said: "Um, Team Dorian!"

My sister responded by saying: "Who's Dorian?" Then ran away as fast as she possibly could, with me running just as fast. 

Yeah... It wasn't our proudest moment. After we were done eating, Lila wanted to try doing it again since all the assistants were gone and Sarah J. Maas was just sitting there... But I chickened out and told Lila not to. She was a little disappointed because she really wanted to meet Sarah J. Maas, and she wouldn't be able to later on when I will. They need to have a certain amount of volunteers with their assigned authors as all times, so Lila (the kindest person ever) said she would stay so our lil sis and I could cut out early and go to Sarah J. Maas's signing.

We we told to go with the other assistants to meet in the gym for a game of "Fact or Fiction" with the others. 

(here's Nina LaCour on the far left and Sarah J. Maas on the far right)

The gym was crazy and loud and super fun. They gave us all pom poms this year, and I think my lil sis had a blast.

After Fact or Fiction, we all headed out of the gym to the buildings where our authors will have their panels. BUT BEFORE THAT...

As we, and the authors, were walking towards the exit... I turned around and realized that Sarah J. Maas was right behind me. And because I felt guilty about shutting Lila down earlier, I told my sister that now was her chance! So, with that said, Lila shouted "Team Captain of The Guard" once again! This time, practically in her face. o-o I stood off to the side and watched the whole thing happen very quickly. She seemed confused at first, and Lila tried to explain what she meant by that phrase and what happened over breakfast, but I'm pretty certain she was still confused by the whole thing. Plus, it was super crowded and really loud, so I don't blame her. But hey, Lila got to talk to her within the course of ten, glorious, seconds so yay! 

Nina and Jorjeana shared a panel together, so whoever joined the panel was able to ask them both questions. The first two panels were back-to-back. It wasn't too crowded, which was nice, and Jorjeana read everyone a scene from Nina's book, We Are Okay. I had asked Nina about the anthology she was going to be part of called Meet Cute with other authors like Nicola Yoon (EEEP). She told us about her short story in there and I am so excited to read it. 



(there was even an audiobook publisher who joined our group)
(don't mind my bangs- they didn't feel like working for me)

After the second panel, it was lunch time! This is when all the volunteers walk their authors to where they eat lunch with the other authors and we say our goodbyes so we can go eat lunch on our own. My sisters and I ate (free!) pizza with one of the girls from our volunteer group. During lunch, my lil sis and I got a gameplan together because once we were finished eating, we were going to go to Sarah J. Maas's last panel. Before we left, we said our goodbyes to Lila and then made our way to the chapel, where Sarah J. Maas and Renee Ahdieh would be presenting together! We had decided to go to their last panel because autograph signings were being held right afterward. 




The line for the chapel was looooooong. But we had made it there in perfect timing. While waiting, we ran into a friend of mine who we actually met at our first Teen Book Festival event! She ended up staying with us to meet Sarah J. Maas and we fangirled the whole time. 
The line was still building when it was okay for us to enter the chapel. Some people weren't able to go inside because they had reached the max amount of fans in one room. I felt so bad because some people had driven five hours to come and get their books signed and weren't able to... Thus, we were very lucky to have gotten into the chapel when we did. 


Walking into the chapel felt very top-secret. We were directed where to sit, and it smelled old inside. Like, a good kind of old. The kind of old that takes you someplace entirely new. Some people were even dressed up as some of the characters, and their costumes were soo creative. 

It was only a few short moments until the panel began. We weren't able to ask questions like at the other panels but the person who asked them had gathered a series of questions from some fans. They mainly talked about fangirling and their pets, and how lazy they get when they go into their writing hibernation. 
Sarah J. Maas told a story of when she had met this famous actor who was staying in the same hotel as her. I believe he was either from True Blood or Game of Thrones? I can't remember. Anyways... She was so awestruck that she tried to play it cool by shaking his hand when they introduced each other. But once she turned around, she licked the hand he shook. She said it didn't taste as good as she thought. She's just like us, you guys. 

Allow me to say that I could listen to Sarah J. Maas and Renee Ahdieh chat all day because they are just so funny and the biggest fangirls. 

Once the panel was over, we were told to stay seated because we now had first dibs on getting Sarah J. Maas's autograph. That's when we were told we could only have one item signed. And there were no pictures allowed- only candid ones. So, my friend and I agreed to use my phone to videotape each of us meeting her. 

They called us up each pew at a time. When it was our pew's time, my nerves when haywire. I still had no idea what I was going to say to her! 



I videotaped as my lil sis went before me and got her nametag signed. You can see her blushy/nervous face- it's hilarious. Then... It was my turn. And you'll never guess what happened. I forgot to give my friend my phone. So, I stepped up there thinking of how nervous I was and how she was already signing my book and looking at my gift (bookmarks) I had wrapped in gold tissue paper. 

This is what happened:

Me: *is so nervous and can't speak*
Sarah J. Maas: *holding my gift* Aww! Is this for me?
Me: *nervous chuckle* Yep! 
Sarah J. Maas: *compliments me on my washi tape*
Dude sitting next to her: *also likes my washi tape*
Me: *can't speak so words jumble out sounding something like this* My sister was the one who shouted at you earlier today.
Sarah J. Maas: Ohh, is that, like, an actual club here?
Me: No. It's, um, you know. Yeah. 
Sarah J. Maas: *laughs and looks like she's waiting for me to have a conversation with her*
Me: *nervous chuckle, thanks her, then gets the heck out of there because THAT WAS TOO MUCH FOR MY FANGIRLING SOUL*

As soon as I turned around, I realized that my phone was still in my hand. However, my friend looked at me and gave me a smile that said: I got you covered. So, thank goodness she had whipped her phone out and caught 0.5 seconds of me meeting an amazing author. ;)


After my friend met her and actually told her that she loved her books (why didn't I think to say that?) we left the chapel with a skip in our step and stupid smiles across our faces. It was rather exciting and comical at the same time. At one moment between parting ways with my friend and heading to the gym where Nina was signing, I thought I lost the book that I had picked to get signed. I just ended up putting it in a different bag- whoops. Silly me.

My lil sis and I then met up with our author and the rest of our group (and Lila). At some point, my lil sis ran off to go get authors to sign her shirt- regardless if she knew them or not.

 


(that photobomb tho.)


I also made Nina bookmarks which she loved. So did the other girls in our group. Which made me so flattered and blushy and ahhh. <3

Hey, look. You made it to the end of the post! Kudos to you.

It was a little over ten hours of pure greatest, and overall we had a great time. I write these posts out every year because I like looking back at them and reading what was going through my mind that day. Plus, I love to share my book lover's experience with all you other book lovers out there! And it's an amazing event that I wish everyone can experience. :)


I hope you all are enjoying your summer. I am currently sitting on my bed with the window open and there's a heavenly breeze coming through. <3


Talk to me!

Tell me about some of your fangirling experiences. Have you met any of your fav authors? Regardless of how big or small any of your experiences are, I want to hear what makes you giddy. 

xx

We Are Like Strangers | journal excerpt


There will come days when you discover
new things about yourself.
And maybe that is what you do in life;
continuously discovering and learning every newfound aspect of yourself.

because just like the world, we are constantly in an everlasting form of change.


may recap
A Reader's Secret | Bookish Tag


+++
You guys- it's summer. Can you believe it? I can't. Time just keeps zippin' on by. I'm currently debating on either making some goals I'd like to accomplish or just drop everything and put my feet up. The latter sounds awfully nice but if ya'll know me, then you probably know that I always have some kind of goal lingering in the back of my mind. Right now, the most steady goal I have is to get a butt load of reading done.
I'm also planning on taking a summer class (*sigh*) and in the process of job hunting. I pray that all goes well. For now, imma enjoy this lovely weather. ;)

Talk to me.

Tell me three things you want to do this summer. Now, it has to be something you deeply desire, regardless if it happens or not.

For me? I want to:
1. Go on a road trip
2. Buy a big floppy sunhat
3. Be happy
xx


A Reader's Secrets | bookish tag



Us booknerds... we have a lot of secrets. Now is the time to find out some of mine. ;)



A BOOKISH TAG

Special thanks to SW for tagging me. <3


☆ which book has been on your shelf the longest? 

If it's a book that I haven't finished, it would probably be Fearless by Francine Pascal. I just picked it up randomly at Barnes and Noble a long time ago.

Le me: *just getting into reading*
Le me: *goes to bookstore and thinks I can pick the first book I see*
Le present me: *laughs at le past me because what a foolish girl she was*

So, it turns out that the edition I got has the first three books in the series. I read the first two and still haven't read the third. It was okay... I don't know if I'll ever end up reading the third book. o-o
There are a few other books my family has had for a long time that my siblings have read and I haven't, but Fearless is the unread book that has been on my shelf the longest.

If it's a book that I have read, it would probably be The Giving Tree because I've had that since I was a wee little child. :}

☆ what is your current read, your last read, and the book you'll be reading next?

*squeals because there's intense excitement for this question*

Okay, so I just finished reading Everything, Everything (EEEEP) for the second time because the movie comes out TWO MORE DAYS TOMORROW. But before that, I read We Are Okay by Nina LaCour.



Then, I literally* just picked up To All The Boys I've Loved Before for the third time (pft. I'm not obsessed) and then I plan on re-reading P.S. I Still Love You before I finally read THE LAST BOOK OF THE SERIES, Always and Forever, Lara Jean
In case you didn't know this before, I AM TEAM PETER K. ALL THE WAY. So just a little warning, there may be some aggressive fangirling noises coming from my Goodreads updates. ;)

* an hour ago

☆ what book did everyone like but you hated?

I definitely would not say that I hated these books because I didn't. In fact, I enjoyed reading them very much. But I feel as though... Erg, how do I say this? Well, I feel like there was a lot more excitement of The Maze Runner series than there was for me personally. Well, hold up! I do fangirl over the books* and the characters BUT I feel like there were so many problems with the books and I just get so frustrated and GAHHHHH. You should see my brother and I when we go on a ranting binge.

Me: *complains about said book for hours on end*
Me: *squeals when I see something related to said book*

Oh well. I could rant about those books forever and still love them. Yah feel? 

*I threw the third book on the ground when I finished it.

☆ what book do you keep telling yourself you'll read but you probably won't?

Probably The Hunt by Andrew Fukuda- I started reading it but stopped because it was... really weird. However, I feel like if I pick it up again, I will enjoy it better. But there are so many books that I want to read that keep getting in the way.

Me: *says I'll read this book next* 
Me: *30 books later* Why haven't I read this book yet?

Another book (and I don't wanna say this but I know myself better than that) is the Harry Potter series. I know, I'm sorry. I just feel as though it is too late for me to read them because I already know what happens, and like I said before...  So many books, so little time. I will try my best though. I promise. 

☆ what books are you saving for retirement?

Retirement? Who said I was retiring?



☆ last page: read it first or wait until the end?

Wait until the end. I'm a #NoSpoilers girl.

Me: *sees a spoiler for something I have no interesting in ever reading or watching*
Me: *screams because I saw spoiler*

☆ acknowledgments: waste of paper and ink, or interesting aside?

If I didn't read the acknowledgments in All The Bright Places, I wouldn't have known that it was semi-based on a true story. I do read them most of the time... Unless I'm too eager to read the next book. ;) So, I guess I'll say keep the acknowledgments

☆ which book character would you switch places with? 

I would probably switch places with Lara Jean from To All The Boys I've Loved Before because 1. I won't be having to kill anyone in an arena, and 2. she just seems like a carefree (at the same time not) person and I just want her life. <3 

☆ do you have a book that reminds you of something specific in your life? (place, time, person)

The Fault in Our Stars. If you've been following my blog long enough, you'll know why.



☆ name an interesting book that you acquired in an interesting way.

I can't really think of one... The only one that comes to mind is this book on happiness I bought myself with a gift card I got for my birthday. It was to Anthropologie and my mom and I went together. It was on this extremely warm day the last week in February. 


☆ have you ever given a book away for a special reason to a special person?

I've let a couple people borrow my books, but I've always expected them back in return. o.O So, no. I don't believe I've ever given away a book I already own* to someone special. At least, not yet.

*I say this because I have gotten books to give as presents. 

☆ which book has been with you most places?

I take a book with me wherever I go. Whatever is my current read, it's with me at all times. I did take The Fault in Our Stars with me to Virgina once. And then I bought Divergent there, too. So, they've been through a couple states with me. If that counts??

☆ any required reading in high school that wasn't so bad?

I'm not sure if this was in middle school or high school but I remember absolutely loving this book called Number The Stars. 

☆ used or brand new?

Nothing smells better than a brand new book.



☆ have you ever read a dan brown book? 

No, sir. I will have to check 'em out. :}

☆ have you ever seen a movie you liked more than the book?

Idk man. I really liked The Scorch Trials movie. 

☆ have you ever read a book that made you hungry (cookbooks included)?

Either To All The Boys I've Loved Before because Lara Jean is always baking or Throne of Glass because Celaena is always hungry.

☆ who is the person whose book advice you'll always take?

Pretty much from any of my frans. :} I will add that I always trust Anna's opinion. ;) 

☆ is there a book out of your comfort zone (e.g. outside your usual reading genre) that you ended up loving? 

Aside from devouring Cassandra Clare's books, I've never been one to pick up fantasy reads. But recently, I've been finding myself loving that genre, more so than usual. I think Throne of Glass* has a bit of an influence on that. ;) 

*I am beyond obsessed. Like, asdfghjkl.




What are some of your bookish secrets? Let me know in the comments!

I tag anyone who would be interested in doing this. With that said; I TAG ALL OF YOU. Muwhahaha. 

Thanks for reading. <3

xx

tropophobia | journal excerpt


She keeps living in a chapter
that has already been read.
She’ll have to turn the page
to find out what happens next.

Why should we be afraid to live?


+++
april recap
Untamingly Introverted | What You Don't Know About Introverts 
Pizza Wallpaper + Printable 

Untamingly Introverted | What You Don't Know About Introverts


Hey, guys. So, um, I've been keeping something from you. I've had this blog for four years now and it just doesn't seem fair that I've held this in for so long. So, I think it's time that I've shared this with you. Okay, so here it goes...
*deep breath*
I'm...
An introvert.
But you probably already knew that.
But in case you didn't...
I am an introvert. 
And there are things I do that maybe other introverts (or introverted extroverts) can relate to.
What is an introvert, you ask? If you Google the term, the definition that pops up is "a shy, reticent person". Oh, but there is so much more to that.




Introverts value their internal environments. This is the place where they get their energy from. As an introvert, I am constantly thinking about what I will be doing in my alone time.

Introverts Like To Be Productive 

This doesn't have to apply to everyone, but I feel as though a majority of introverts value their productiveness, and they like to do it alone.
Me: *being productive*
Person:  Hey, need some help?  Hey, I see you're working really hard at being productive right now, so I'm just going to leave you alone to accomplish your goal of extreme productiveness. We shall chat later (after you're finished being productive).
Me: *thumbs up*


Introverts Can Get Lonely 

Of course, none of these things relate to everyone. Each person is different, extroverted or introverted. However, I feel a certain stereotype that could get loose. Just because introverts prefer to be alone, does not mean they don't get lonely! In fact, (and I think I read this somewhere) introverts tend to crave a stimulating relationship with someone. Perhaps not with a group of people, but they like to have a few peeps around.
Me: Hey, can you sit with me while I work on this?
Person: Sure!
Me: But pretend you're not there.
Person: Okay...?
Me: Thx.

We Tend to Love With Every Ounce of Our Soul 

I don't know about you guys, but I tend to get emotionally attached to people...
Person: *holds door open for me*
Me: Our firstborn will be named Noah Ryder and we will have 12 dogs.

I'm sure extroverts love deeply as well! But if any introverts can relate to this, lemme know.


Yes, We Like to Talk. No, We're not Going to Text First

I don't know about you, but when I talk about something I love to talk about (books), there's no shutting me up. You see, introverts can be talkative. I mean, we're not totally reclusive and anti-social (those people are typically serial killers). We can be friendly! But I will say this, I'm definitely 100% not the first texter type of person. 
Me: We have so much in common. 
Me: *doesn't message said person whatsoever*
Me: I don't understand why we don't talk more. 

I just simply refuse to be the first text, and I don't do it on purpose. 



We Like to Travel

Sometimes I just crave to travel. Somewhere. Anywhere. And it's weird because I love to be home. But I do believe introverts can crave this sort of need to be out in the world. I know I'd love to just discover new places all while being invisible to everyone in it.
Me: *wants to go places and meet new people*
Also me: *doesn't want anyone to know I exist*

Of Course, I'd Love to Come! As long as I Can Stand in a Corner and Observe

 Yes, we want to be invited to the party! Yes, we want to go out for coffee! And try on dresses at the mall! But once we're out, there's a certain craving lingering in our minds that says "I cannot wait to get back home".
Me: *gets out of house and has fun*
Also Me: *thinks about what I want to do when I'm alone*


Our Rooms Are Our Sanctuaries 

Parent: Go to your room.
Me: Finally.

There are things introverts do that surprise you. There are things introverts do that surprise themselves and make them question "am I really introverted?" (but as soon as you get home, you know you're fine).

We Like to be Around Extroverts

My one-year-younger-sister is an ENFJ, which makes me laugh because I am an INFJ. And what screams "sisters" more than that combination? Anyways. We're like two peas in a pod. You want her, you get me. You want me, you get her. But the thing is, introverts need to have an extrovert around to maintain the balance of nature. 

Talk to me!

Tell me some things that you do as an introvert or extrovert! Can you relate to some of these? What kind of pizza do you like? Are your socks pink? Hi.  

Pizza Wallpaper + Printable


Is it just me or is April slipping right through my fingers? It seems to be moving faster than that roadrunner cartoon character from tv. Amiright?

My mind seems to be all over the place lately. While I love to mutitask, my brain can't seem to focus on one thing at a time. And it is #stressing me out, yo.

I've been working on some things-- can't tell you yet because it wouldn't be a surprise-- but here is a little somethin' somethin' to keep ya'll entertained while I continue to get stuff ready. ;)

What really helps me stay organized and less stressed is when my phone/computer is lookin' fresher than fresh. So, I thought I'd help you guys out and share with you a matching lockscreen/desktop wallpaper I made. :)

Lockscreen Wallpaper 



Desktop Wallpaper 


Want to print and hang 'em on your wall?


Click to Download Lockscreen Wallpaper (Free)


Click to Download Desktop Wallpaper (Free)


I hope you enjoy these! Maybe show them off to the fam on Easter? ;) Happy Good Friday! Hope you have a lovely Sunday. <3

xx


what is stronger than such organ? | journal excerpt


Hearts don't break;
they crumble
and shatter.
Hearts don't break;
they get shoved
and sliced into,
resulting a maximum of various components.
Something that breaks
can be repaired.
Hearts don’t break;
they jab their wounds
with every intake
and exhale.
Hearts don’t break;
they detonate.


Yet, they manage to survive.

Fake it 'Til You Make it


You guys think I have it all together? lol, psych-- I don't.
I'm messy.
I'm an obsessive organizer, but yet... I. am. messy.

I've noticed that humans are a very manipulative species. We're kinda like birds when you put a blanket over their cage and they think it's nighttime so they fall asleep. I even do that with myself. Sometimes when I'm not sleepy but it's late, I try to turn down the lights a create a comfy, clean atmosphere so my mind "thinks" I'm sleepy. It really works.
We can convince ourselves to like or dislike something. To do or not do something. To believe or not believe in something.




We can convince ourselves that we are capable. 


I like to pretend, in case you haven't noticed. But let me tell you, pretending isn't so bad. Sometimes I pretend that I have everything under control until I actually believe that I do.

Lately, I've been dealing with this overwhelming feeling (I actually started crying because of it. #dontjudge). But with some help... I took a deep breath and started over. By pretending that I was on top of everything, I was able to tackle important tasks.

I believe you can, too. 


All you gotta do is convince yourself that you are capable and then you'll become unstoppable. Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy. (Okay, maybe not. But you have to tell yourself that or otherwise, it won't be. Eh?)

So, whenever you feel like everything is falling apart or you can't do something-- just pretend. If you're having a bad day, pretend to be happy until you actually are. Even if it doesn't work, it's worth the shot.

Want to do things you don't think you're capable of doing?

this video is worth 16 minutes of your life


Talk to me.


What are some ways that help you stay motivated? I could use some tips!

xx

My New Mindset - Life Recaps

Throughout the month of February, I developed a new mindset with zero intentions of doing so. As a person who has trouble with procrastinating, I found myself saying "yes" to doing more. Honestly, this past month has been non-stop go go go, do do do! I'm just waiting for my crashing moment when I simply cannot even what there is to even. You feel?

But it hasn't come yet.




I've just decided not to think about something and just do it- especially when it comes to things I don't enjoy doing.
Thus, I've had my hands full lately. I'm not used to being busy. What "busy" is to me, may look like a regular day-in-the-life for you. But I'm rather proud of what I have been accomplishing, or what I've been trying to do.

How about a little life recap to get this post rollin'?



Did I start something new?

Yes, yes, yes! I started and finished The Sun Is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon (aka, one of my new FAV authors), and I started Crown of Midnight by Sarah J. Maas (THIS BOOK WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME #TeamCaptainofTheGuard).

I also started watching a new show on Netflix with my brother called Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir (THIS SHOW, YO. #CatNoirIsaBabe #sorrynotsorry). I'm also trying to keep up with The 100 season 4 on TV, but I'm gradually slipping. I'm not very good at keeping up with shows- even if I love them to death. It's better when they're all in front of me on Netflix.

Did I do something new and slightly terrifying?

Yes! I volunteered at my church's pasta dinner (which was super crazy and super fun). Who knew putting bread and butter on paper plates then watching pretty boys play basketball could give you a whole new love for life?

I also went to Anthropologie with my mom where I bought two overpriced items. Despite the fact that I hate a.) spending too much on one item, and b.) paying full price... I have zero regrets. Even when the cashier said the aesthetically pleasing yellow book was on sale. (It wasn't.)

Am I getting closer to doing something I am afraid to do?

Ehh... Still working on it.

Have I accomplished more than I've wanted to?

I'd say so! I mean, there are so many things I want to do, but I think I've done a lot more than I intended to.
I developed a new note taking method (aka, actually taking notes) and I'm trying to figure out if it'll help me with this class. We shall see... I just hope I'm not wasting my time (one of my top fears).
I started spring cleaning my room, which I usually DREAD doing but I pushed myself to finish. And yes, you heard me correctly on the "spring cleaning" part. The weather up here has been insanely warm (then cold, then warm again), so the whole fam has spring fever.
Also, I feel as though Valentine's Day was just yesterday but I'm pretty certain that was when this new mindset started. I made about 13 Valentine's this year. Despite the fact that I would've liked to make more, I'm very proud of what I got done.


What is one great thing that happened to you?

The Everything, Everything movie trailer. Go. Watch it. NOW. ...I cried. (There's picture proof.)


Started any new projects?

Wouldn't you like to know? ;) *cough* Yes, as a matter of fact, I have. BUT I AM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU- MUWHAHAHA! I am very excited about this new project I am trying to work on. I haven't been able to do much, but I am very very excited about it and I plan to share with ya'll soon. ;)

I also started writing a book that I started back in 2014,. I'm going to change the plot and whatnot but use the same setting idea. How do you guys feel about kingdoms in faraway lands with witty princesses, cocky princes, and evil kings? ;)

Were you able to post this month?

Yes, ma'am. Clicky here to read it.

How are your emotions?

Erm. Ah. Eh. Hm.

Does the word "college" still give you the utmost amount of anxiety? 

Why yes, yes it does. Thank you for your concern, but I'd rather talk about pizza now.

Do any adulting?

You betcha! I took my sister to the orthodontist all. by. me. lonesome. self. I may have made an accidental turn on the way there, but nothing a little parking lot U-turn couldn't fix.

I also spent one sunny afternoon roaming around in our village with my siblings + cousin. We ended up in the library, playing Pictionary. It was fun. My team lost. I tried spaghetti ice cream for the first time. Yes, spaghetti ice cream. It was heavenly.

Then I spent a really long time in Barnes and Noble with my sister yesterday. We split a red velvet cupcake together, looked at travel books, and walked around the store 1000000+ times. We only ended up spending about $26 altogether (because I got my other sister a birthday present), which made me view the day as: "Not Having To Spend Money To Have Fun".


I think saying yes and getting things done as soon as possible is great, but I don't think you should overwhelm yourself. I often find myself consumed with the thoughts of "Oh, I have to get this done!" and "I'm so busy" and "So much to do, so little time!". I particularly don't enjoy those thoughts... But if you feel better about yourself at the end of the day, then I think you should start saying "yes" more.

Thanks for reading. <3


A video for you to watch

A picture for you to admire

A quote to get you inspired 



hands - journal excerpt


Sometimes she thinks about your hands.
Not in the way one may think about someone’s height or what size shoe they wear.
No.
Sometimes she thinks about your hands in the way they look- long and fierce, soft and gentle. How they hold pieces of you.
Your hands are part of you, in a way that describes how you feel and who you are.
Sometimes she thinks that your hands still hold the person you once were; in the webs between your fingers, and along the lines in your palms.
But-
The upper layers of our skin create new cells every two weeks. It’s been so much longer than that. Our skin no longer remembers one another. Parts of her can’t help but think that your hands still recollect the small moment you two had with each other- that they might actually remember her.
The way it felt to have your fingers intertwined with hers; and how she regretted pulling them away instantly after they did.
Are those recollecting feelings- hand in hand, skin on skin- actually memories for our bodies alone?
Sometimes she thinks about the way your palm pressed into her back while you hugged each other. Sometimes she thinks about how that very action expressed so many emotions: safety, protectiveness, strength, kindness, and affection.
Sometimes she thinks about what would happen if you put your current selves in that same position; when you held each other as if nothing else existed. Would your hands still touch the way they did? Perhaps, if they do remember one another. If not, would your hands remember how to hold hers and reach out for them like they did when she wanted them to, so badly?
Sometimes she thinks they might.
Sometimes she thinks she thinks- hopes- they are the only thing left that hold what was once between your souls.

I don't know you anymore.



6 years | Blogging Through the Ages


It's the first of February and you know what that means... It's my blogger self's birthday!*

*DISCLAIMER: As you read this post, pretend it is yesterday (February 1st) and you are in the same state as you were this time that day. Mkay?

Today, six years ago, I decided to create my very first blog and join the blogging community. That simple action has taken me on this crazy, beautiful, blessed journey through my life. I have changed so much since then but I still continue to be part of the blogosphere (do you kids still call it that?) to this day.
Speaking of change... I thought it would be interesting if we were to reflect upon the person I was through those six years.
Yeah, I was going to "roast" myself in a positive way, but I couldn't do it without actually roasting myself so I thought I'd try this.

What six years of blogging really looks like:


2011

I thought the perfect birthday gift to myself would create a blog (after I had stalked a billion other blogs), so why not start it on a date that is easy to remember? Haha, well guess what, 2011 Kenz? You forget every. dang. year. 
I literally remembered while I was trying to fall asleep last night. (Always count on sleep to remember important things for you.)
That year my blogging style was post-a-bible-verse-once-a-day-and-talk-non-stop-about-life-and-American-girl-dolls. While starting a conversation with every internet encounter who was a.) my age or younger, and b.) liked American Girl dolls as well.

Moving on.

2012

My prime time. Ah yes, that was the year my blogging style changed drastically from doll photoshoots to fangirling and living/breathing over The Hunger Games. I discovered Instagram that year so my blogging journey had taken a little hiatus.  

2013

My real prime time. This was the year I was totally, completely, utterly in love with life. Hence, my happy place. I finally got back into blogging, and boy was I glad. I had a gorgeous blog design (two, actually) and regulars who commented on my once-a-day posts ('sup fam). Those posts consisted of me fangirling over Rosie's face 99.9% of the time. The other percent was dedicated to her left thumb. Bless that work of art. Another itty bitty percentage was fangirling over books and posting pictures I found on Pinterest (with credit, of course).

2014

My posts became deeper, I think? I went on another hiatus and when I got back, I was on my third design (the one I currently have). I began blogging a bit until I went on, you know it, another hiatus. 

2015 

Of course, I came back. I always do. That year my posts got even deeper and I began focusing on inspirational/motivating writing. 

2016

Last year I began focusing on more collaborative projects. And let me just say that collaborations are FUN.

2017

Six years later, I am still here, writing to you all. I feel as though my blogging style has changed, but not too drastically. I mean, I still laugh at the lame comical remarks I put in almost every post. This year, I suppose, I want to keep up with what I have going on now but strive to be better at it. Meaning, I want to help make my blog grow. 

Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through my blogging life. I couldn't have done it without you. <3 But before I go, how does a little life update sound?

Life recaps:

- I finished three books in the month of January.
- My love for pizza is still growing.
- I GOT BANGS. Ever since I saw this picture over the summer, I had been wanting bangs. I was still hesitant on the idea due to my skin type (and the fact that I don't like it when my hair is in my face) but I got them and I am in love. The bedhead and styling are something I need to work on, but I feel like this was the right decision. *slips nerdy glasses on* I also feel more like a professional blogger. *winks at crowd*  
- I'm volunteering at our church's pasta dinner this month. (My inner Italian is screaming.)
- I had a hay day at Michael's last week. I got art supplies for my Valentine's day cards, and I am very excited to get started on them. (If only my homework could just wait to be done. Gosh, so demanding.)
- I am no longer a teen.
- What?
- Yep, you heard me.
- I'm sorry, what?
- I know, it's pretty hard to believe. I haven't felt more like a teen than I do now.
- So yeah. It was my birthday three days ago and I am now a mystical 20-year-old. I AM SO OLD, YOU GUYS. LIKE, I CAN LITERALLY FEEL MYSELF MELTING. DOES THAT MAKE ME THE EVIL WITCH OF THE WEST? OH NO, I'M OLD AND A WITCH!

Alright, I better leave now before I go into another mid-life crisis (I've had about 10 already, so it's nothing new). 

Talk to me...

How long have you been a blogger? Has your blogging style changed over the years? I wanna know. Thanks for reading. <3

xx 

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I love you, Kenzie. -Rosie

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